Nessy



Songs by Ian McCalman

Nessy

© Ian McCalman MCPS/PRS

You may boast about lions and rhinos that charge
Cruel killer sharks and elephants large
But look towards Scotland, for the biggest and best
It’s the terrible monster of bonnie Loch Ness
She's 10 metres long and she swims far below
The tourists go mad when they think that she'll show
She appears if you drink lots of whisky and wine
Cos drunks see Nessy, all of the time

Oh Nessy Oh Nessy what can we do?
Our hotels are empty, the bookings are few
Arise from the deep, eat a tourist or two
OOOOOOOh Nessy Scotland needs you

Poor Nessy is lonely, she pines for a mate
Someone with humps and a tad overweight
And frankly it's hard for a monster to get
The perfect partner….with no internet
She's slightly short-sighted, of course this was seen
When she fell in love with a wee submarine
She gave him everything, oh what a waste
Love unrequited that sank without trace

When they try to find her she thinks it's a game
They scan the sea-bed and they call out her name
Someday they might catch her but never you fear
"The big yin" will last for a hundred more years
Cos she is the best friend that Scotland has got
"Free Nessy" we'd shout if our monster was caught
We'd hide her away and we'd rave and we'd rant
For a loch of her own and a lottery grant